Moments
by Jeffrey Dahmer
Summary: Life is made up of moments. Moments that make us who we are and dictate our choices. Moments that can take seconds or hours. A single moment can seem like years but when it comes down to it, these moments are what define us. But these moments only happen once in every few years. For Squid, there were three of them.
1. Ice Cream

**Moment One - Ice Cream**

Life is made up of moments. Moments that make us who we are and dictate our choices. Moments that can take seconds or hours. A single moment can seem like years but when it comes down to it, these moments are what define us. They're the ones full of raw emotion that makes it hurt to think back on and put the question marks in our minds.

But these moments only happen once every few years. For me, there were three of them.

The first on was when I was four. I was sitting on the ground, a toy truck in my hand as I made _vroom _noises to try to drown out the sound of my parents arguing. They seemed to do that a lot lately.

"_What do you want from me, Helen? Huh? Because nothing I do is good enough for you anymore!" _My fathers voice was muffled by the door but I could still hear him, loud and clear.

"_I want you to stop fucking the slut next door!" _My mother yelled back. I purposely made the car noises louder after she said 'fucking'. I didn't want to hear those kinds of words.

I felt my eyes fill up with tears as I clenched the little toy in my chubby hand. _Make them stop, make them stop, make them STOP!_

_"Don't you dare call Sally a slut!" _

"_I'll call that whore whatever I-" _SLAP!

The noise echoed through the small house and the second I heard it, I dropped my toy and let out long pitiful wails that almost drown out my mothers sobs. I didn't even know what was happening or what made the slapping noise. All I knew was that it sounded horrid and it made my mother cry.

_"The fucking baby is crying now! Go shut him up!" _My father snarled and seconds later, their bedroom door opened and my mother came rushing out. I could see the outline of a hand on her cheek and there were long black rivers of mascara coming out of her eyes.

"Shh." She tried hushing me. "Alan, baby, it's okay. Please don't cry!"

I only wailed louder as I buried my face in my mothers soft clothing. Her gentle arms wrapped around my body as she held me close, crying with me and trying to shut me up at the same time. After a minute or two, there was an even louder banging sound and my father stormed out of the room.

"Helen, I thought I told you to-"

"Jake, please!" Mother sobbed. "Please not in front of Alan!"

Father paced back and forth for a few seconds, running his hands through his dark brown hair before coming to a stop in front of me. He shoved mother away and grabbed me. "Alan, how would you like some ice cream? would that cheer you up?"

I sucked in some snot and slowly nodded.

"What kind do you want?" Father asked with a forced smile on his face. I didn't like that smile. It was cold and didn't reach his big brown eyes.

"Chocowate." I sniffled and he patted me roughly on the head before standing up.

"Good choice, bud." He smirked before walking towards his bedroom. "I just have to get a few things and then I'll come back with ice cream okay, buddy?"

"Otay." I reached down and grabbed the red truck off the ground and looked at Mother. Her face was in her hands and she was trying to muffle the loud cries that were coming from her mouth. "Mama?"

Mother looked up and quickly wiped away the tears. "What is it, baby?"

"Don't cwy. Daddy's comin' back with ice cweam!" I cheered but it only made her cry harder. There was a lot of moving around from the bedroom that Father had walked into. Too much. I went to go investigate.

I carefully placed the red truck on my mother's knee who went back to crying in her hands as I stomped over to my dad's room with determination. The door was open a crack and I peered in to see he was throwing a bunch of things into a suitcase. This ice cream must have been far away if he needed to pack a whole suitcase for it!

Father finally zipped up the bag and opened the door to find me peering up at him. "I'll see you soon, kiddo."

I chased after my dad as he made his way to the door. "Don't fo-get!" I called. "Chocowate's my favowite!"

"I won't forget, buddy." Father smiled before sending one last hateful glance to Mother.

"Jake, please don't do this!" My mother sobbed and I looked at her confused. Didn't she want any ice cream?

"Watch me." The door slammed shut and I started laughing hysterically. Daddy sure showed her! Now he'll come back with plenty of ice cream for us and none for Mommy! She didn't have to cry so badly about it though, it was only ice cream...

I sat down and waited patiently by the door for Father to come back in with a few tubs of creamy goodness. There was an ice cream parlor a few blocks away and it should only take him about fifteen minutes to go get it. But then again, he _did _pack a huge bag so maybe he was going somewhere different to get it? Yeah, that was probably it!

I waited until the sky grew dark until Mommy finally made me go to bed. She didn't even give me any supper...

"Mommy, when's daddy comin' back with the ice cream?" I yawned as she pulled my pajama top over my head. She froze and I waited a couple of moments before saying, "Mama?"

"Just go to bed, Alan!" She snapped and stormed out of the room. That night, I muffled my cries in my pillow, hoping not to wake Mother up and make her even more mad at me than she already was. The only thing I didn't get was _why _she was mad at me and what I had said. Maybe it was because I laughed when I figured out that Father wasn't bringing her any ice cream?

I fell asleep to the thought, hoping that when I woke up the next morning, I would be surrounded by chocolate ice cream and happiness. When I did wake up, the only thing I was greeted with was sun filtering in through the window.

Daddy must be back!

I shot out of bed, not even bothering to change out of my Pokémon pajamas as I raced to Mother and Father's bedroom. I slammed the door open to see Mama was all alone in bed and the room smelled strongly of smoke an there were a bunch of empty bottles over the room. Some were even half filled with apple juice. I started coughing, "Mama!"

"Alan, go back to bed..." Mama slurred and she rolled over in bed.

"But Mama, I think thewe's a fire!" I cried and rushed to her bed. I started yanking at the blankets, hoping to wake her up. If there was a fire, then we needed to call 911 and go find Daddy! "Mama!"

"Leave me alone, Alan!" Mommy screamed and I flinched back.

I guess I have to take matters into my own hands then... I rushed out of the room and into the kitchen. Pushing a chair towards the counter, I climbed up on it and reached the phone. I dialled in three digits and waited for someone to pick up.

"_9-1-1, what's your emergency?"_

"I think my house is on fire!" I rushed. "Thewe's a lot of smoke but my Mama won't get out of bed! I don't see a fire but smoke's all in her woom!"

"_Is your mother responsive? Does she answer you?"_

"Yeah, she towd me to go back to bed. But her voice was all funny..." I tried to describe it. "She didn't make much sense."

"_Honey, can you please describe what your mother looks like?"_

"Yeah, she's got pwetty bwonde hair, and big bwue eyes! She-"

_"No, honey. I meant what does she look like in bed? Does she look like she's in a lot of pain?"_

"She's been cwyin'." I answered. "Daddy went to go get us ice cweam yestuh-day and he isn't back yet. I don't think he was gonna get her any..."

There was a long pause as I waited for the woman on the other side of the reply. When she finally did answer, she was sniffling and sounded like she had started crying too. Why was everyone crying lately? Was I doing something wrong?

"_Baby, what did your father say when he left to go get ice cream?"_

"He asked me what my favowite kind was and said he would get it! But Mama was cwyin' and asked him not to. But he went anyway with this _biiiiig _suitcase!" I explained. "Lady, is there a fire or not?"

"_No honey, there's no fire. Sometimes adults like to make smoke with their lungs because they think it's relaxing. It's really bad for you so why don't you leave your Mama alone and go play with toys?"_

Otay... I'll pway until my Daddy gets home with the ice cream." I answered and hung up the phone. Sneaking out of the kitchen and past Mommy's room, I tiptoed down the hall to where I left my toy truck. It wasn't where I left it and took my to find it by this huge dent in the wall that wasn't there yesterday. I picked up my red toy anyway and ran to the door to play there.

If Daddy came home today then the first person he would see would be me and I could get my ice cream right away!

I sat there for hours, rolling my truck back and forth until I was finally too hungry to stand it. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before and I was starving. The nice lady on the phone told me to leave Mama alone though so I would have to make food by myself. I made my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Pulling a chair up to the fridge, I climbed on top of it so I could look through all the contents.

Tomatoes, milk, pickles... nothing good.

Standing on my tippy-toes, I opened the fridge to see if there were any fruit popsicles, but instead, I saw only one thing: chocolate ice cream.

I pulled it out and opened it. It was only half eaten and there was still plenty left. So then why did Father go to pick up more? Suddenly a feeling of dread filled my tiny little body as I collapsed on the chair.

Daddy had left with a suitcase and as I looked throughout the entire house, there wasn't a single thing there that belonged to him. The only reminder that he was ever here was the picture of all three of us that was held onto the fridge door by magnets. He had taken everything. Why would he need to take everything if he just went out to buy some ice cream?

Maybe... maybe Daddy wasn't going out to get ice cream... maybe he just wasn't coming back.

**This will only be three chapters long, one of each moment. This is my first fanfiction (other than one in the warriors archive but that didn't work out...) So giving constructive criticism would be nice!**


	2. Octopus

**Moment Two - Octopus**

The second moment came years after. Almost twelve to be exact. While my father leaving me was a devastation to my childhood, this would be the moment that would define my teenage years. One of the worst mistakes of my life, but also one of the best decisions I'd ever make.

It started when I was walking down the street, nursing a cut on my forehead where my mother had thrown a beer bottle. Of course, she had kicked me out again but that usually only lasts until she black out and by morning, she'll have forgotten about our fight. By fight, I mean her screaming at me while I took it. Up until I was four I had always thought that fighting meant an equal amount of yelling on both sides.

So I walked the usual route. Past all the rich people and their yapping dogs and white picket fences. These people who had their lives in order and didn't have even a blade of grass out of place. Meanwhile, my house was covered in graffiti and the lawn hadn't been mowed in twelve years.

I always had wanted a small taste of that. Living with money to spare, I mean. Just a small sample of what it would be like to lean back in a recliner, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of hot food on the stove. Maybe drinking a cold beer - no, a soda. I knew what beer could do to a person.

I shook my head at the thought and kept on walking. It was pretty late at night and I could see the glow of the TV through most of their windows or at least a light on. But when I came to the end of the street, the entire house was dark and a window was open. I stared at it for a minute before I kept on walking. I kept on telling myself that I wasn't a criminal and that I wouldn't break into someone's house.

But the idea weighed on me as I returned to my house in the morning. She remembered. She didn't let me back in. So off I went again, wandering the streets of Texas until the night when I walked down the same street. Still, the lights were out and the window was open.

By then, my mouth was dry and my stomach was empty. I hadn't eaten for days and I was starting to resemble one of those skin-and-bone models on the runway. Except I'm not a chick, nor pretty.

_Fuck it. _Looking around once, I opened the gate and walked stiffly into the yard and climbing swiftly into the window. I landed on the carpeted floor with a thud before looking around the house. It was nice... nearly twice the size of my house and everything was neat and tidy. The only similarity it had with my house was that there was a tiny wine stain on the white rug. My carpet was basically one big beer stain.

I immediately darted to the fridge, whipping it open and searching until my eyes landed on a Pepsi. I'm more of a Coke kind of guy but in that moment, I wasn't exactly picky. I also grabbed a Tupperware container full of mashed potatoes and made my way to the recliner chair. I stayed there for a good two hours until my belly was full and I was drowsy on happiness.

After getting rid of the evidence, I climbed back out the window and continued my walk home. Even if my mother somehow let me back in, I vowed to come back tomorrow. Now that I had a taste of the good life, I couldn't let it go.

Besides, I was there for _two _hours. If they hadn't caught me in that time then I doubt I'd ever be caught.

* * *

"Guilty."

I stared at the judge in shock as he slammed his gavel down. The word rang in my head as I was whisked away by police officers. They were taking me to some correctional facility, Camp Blue Lake or something. They watched me as I packed my bag, only taking toiletries, underwear, and a couple of shirts. The guard watching me said that I only needed to bring myself but I couldn't imagine them providing toothbrushes.

I was right; they didn't.

Ten hours later, I was standing in front of six campers, all staring at me like I would never last a day there.

"Man, you need to get some meat on your bones." The biggest of them, a large black guy, commented. He poked at my protruding ribcage. It gave me the perfect opportunity to reach into his pocket and grab the shower tokens. The guy smelled pretty bad though so if he came closer again, I was going to give the tokens back. "So what'd you get in here for?"

I thought you weren't supposed to ask that? "Breaking into a house and just stealing loose change and soda and stuff like that." I shrugged.

They all sniggered. "Real badass right here, am I right?" A small guy with thick glasses laughed and everyone obediently nodded. I think I heard people calling him X-Ray and the other guy Armpit?

"You couldn't have been that good if you got caught." Armpit laughed and I smirked, holding up the shower tokens.

"I don't know, man, I got your shower tokens pretty easily." The other boys howled in laughter as Armpit paled and began furiously checking his pockets for the tokens. When he saw that I was telling the truth, he broke out in a wide grin.

"Man, you've got sticky fingers! Must have if you managed to get my tokens without me noticing." Armpit chuckled as he snatched the tokens back and dropped them in his pocket.

"Sticky fingers like an octopus!" Another guy yelled and X-Ray slugged me on the shoulder.

"Octopus huh? Think that's your name?" He asked and I was about to answer when a random kid passing, coughed 'Octo-pussy' under his breath. X-Ray scowled and shook his head, "It's a work in progress."

"You know, Alan, I think you're going to fit in here _just _fine."

**I've seen a lot of interpretations on why Squid got his nickname, and some of them are because he wanted to be a marine biologist, others are because his 'lifeline' was a toy squid but I honestly can't see either of those being the real reason. I just can't imagine someone like Squid dreaming about saving the whales OR sleeping with a stuffed animal. After searching the web a little, I found this and so this chapter was born.**


	3. A New Beginning

**Moment Three - A New Beginning**

The final moment came months later, after Caveman arrived and stirred shit up. At first I told myself that it was the rain that was the third moment, but then I realized that it was only a piece of it. The rain symbolized a new beginning; it washed away all the bad things in my past and now I could start over as a new person. I even made Caveman call my mom for me and apologize.

A new beginning.

We stayed at Camp Green Lake for another week after Caveman and Zero went home. We thought after they left and the Warden was arrested that we'd be able to just relax and not worry about digging holes but that wasn't the case. On the second day, big trucks carrying construction workers and equipment were brought in and they started ripping the place apart. It's too bad they weren't prepared for the harshness of CGL because five hours after they started, us campers were being called out to start digging again.

It wasn't as bad as before. This time, we were allowed breaks whenever we wanted and they had a huge container of Gatorade that we were free to drink from. That continued for six more days until the big government guy got a call saying that Camp Green Lake was closed for good and we were going to be sent home. Again, this was only a piece in the third moment.

Of course, I packed up my toothbrush and the still full bottle of shampoo and boarded the big yellow bus with no intention of ever coming back. The seven hour bus ride was hot as hell and we were seated three to a seat but I didn't mind. All that mattered was the fact that this was the moment when I'd say goodbye to a life of crime and start my new life.

The guys and I talked for hours, just about home and what we would be doing. Most of us admitted that we'd apologize to our parents, finish up community service with smiles on our faces and try to make the best of a bad situation. Armpit even said he'd send a gift basket full of soap or something to the guys he attacked. Magnet of course responded with, "You're the one who needs a gift basket full of soap, man."

And then we decided that the first thing we would do was buy Armpit a gift basket full of soap.

The hours passed quicker than I thought and before I knew it, we were reaching the city limits. By then, the yelling and loud chatter had calmed down to excited whispers. "This is it man, a new beginning. Am I right?" X-Ray grinned and slugged me on the arm.

"Right." I agreed, chewing nervously on my toothpick. "Man, I'd never thought I'd say this but I can't wait to see my mom again."

"Don't get all sappy on me now, Squidly." X-Ray sniggered. "But I'm excited for you. It's about time you stopped all your crying." I blushed hard at that. I didn't know anyone other than Caveman heard my cries at night.

I didn't say anything for the rest of the trip. Not even as the yellow bus pulled into the station and I could see all the excited faces of parents waiting for their kids. I could make out a few obvious ones: Zigzag's mom had the same long, bobbing neck, and Magnet's dad was a short Hispanic with a tattoo sleeve. As I scanned the crowd, I couldn't spot my mom, but then again, it was a huge crowd and my mother was short. She probably blended right in.

"Do you see her?" X-Ray asked and I shook my head. "I think I see my brother - oh man, that's him! That's my brother!" I looked over to where he pointed. His brother was small and skinny with short hair and slightly resembled the kid from Karate Kid.

X-Ray didn't even wait for the doors to open before he shot off, climbing over the seats and prying the doors open with his hands. I was sitting at the back so I could see as X-Ray shoved his way through the crowd and yanked his brother in for a hug. I think his name was Leo? He occasionally talked about Leo to either me or Armpit but no one else.

Campers started pushing their way through the doors, running to their families and being yanked in for hugs. When I finally exited the bus, there was only tears, snot, and love. I hopped off the steps and scanned the crowd for my mother. Where was she?

I pushed my way through the crowd, occasionally calling her name as I looked for her blonde head of hair. I felt a hand grab my arm and whipped around excitedly but it was only Zigzag. "Hey, dude, where's your family?"

"I don't know, man. I don't see her." I responded.

"Alan!"

I didn't even take into consideration that the voice calling me clearly wasn't my mothers; it was a mans. His voice was deep and raspy but familiar. For the second time, I whipped around. It was definitely not my mother.

The man was tall with big brown eyes, ruffled brown hair and an easy smile on his face. He has laughter lines by his eyes and his bushy eyebrows were relaxed. It was my father.

My entire body froze and the toothpick fell from my mouth. Zigzag followed my gaze and gasped when he spotted the man. "He looks exactly like you..." I don't think the words were meant to be said but once they were out, there was not taking them back. He was right though. I looked like a younger version of him.

"Alan!" My father grinned and jogged up to me, pulling me in for a hug. "You have no idea how much I've missed you, buddy."

He missed me. He didn't want to leave.

I hugged him back and buried my face in his shirt, fighting the tears that begged to escape. When we finally pulled away, he still had that easy smile on his face. "Alan, I can't tell you how happy I am to see you. We have so much to catch up on but let's not do that here. What do you say we go get something to eat?"

"Y-yeah, sure." I stuttered as he slung an arm around my shoulders.

"What about ice cream?"

And that's when it all came back to me. He was gone for _twelve _years of my life. For twelve years, he had my believe that he was just out to get ice cream. No note. No explanation. He didn't even have the decency to sign a fucking divorce paper and now he expects me to fall right back into his life?

"What did you just say?" I asked in a hollow voice. He didn't see my hand curl into a fist.

"I said we should go get some ice cream. Strawberry's your favorite, right?"

All the pain and the scars and the nights I spent on the street. He did that to me. This entire time I thought it was _my _fault. That somehow I was the reason for him leaving but all this time, I was blaming myself for his mistake. I was four. _Four years old. _He left a toddler to a broken mother and still has the fucking audacity to pretend like nothing happened?

No. I would not let him walk right back into my life like I'm an amusement park; entertaining for a while but the second a cloud appears, everyone leaves.

I slowly turned to him with anger brewing in my eyes. "Are you okay, buddy-"

My fist slammed into his face and he was sent flying back. Everything went silent as they all turned to stare at me and the man lying shocked on the ground with blood rushing from his nose. "What the fuck, Alan?"

"You were gone for twelve _fucking _years and you expect everything to be okay?" I screamed and his face paled. "This entire time I was looking out for myself, blaming myself for you leaving but never once did I even think to blame you."

"Alan, that's no excu-"

"That's no excuse?" I laughed bitterly. "Because if I remember correctly - and trust me, I do - you took _twelve years_ to get me a fucking ice cream cone. Is that a good excuse for abandoning your family? Abandoning your _son _to a woman who's had alcohol poisoning seven times?"

His mouth opened and closed, trying to find the words. But I wasn't finished yet.

"You cannot walk right back into my life, acting like nothing's wrong. You can't expect me to fall right back into place as your son, without even so much as a 'sorry.' You can't do that. Because you aren't sorry, and even if you are, you lost any right you had to be my father when you left. So just do what you're good at and leave. Because this time, I won't cry over it. This time, I won't blame myself because you're shit at being a father. So just go." I finished and everyone stared at me in shock. Especially him.

Jake pulled himself to his feet, wiping the blood on his sleeve. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it a second after and turned around. Fifteen seconds later, he had rounded the corner and was gone from my life. For good.

It started off with Zigzag slowly clapping, and then X-Ray joined in. Then Magnet, Armpit and soon enough, everyone was clapping and cheering for me. I stared at the crowd of strangers in disbelief. They... they supported me?

That was the final moment - the moment I realized that one person could not control my life. One person could not dictate where I go and how I feel because only I can do that. It's time I take control of my life and do what I want to do.

This was a new beginning for me. And no one was going to change that.

**Fin.**


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